


The Bone Brigade

by BookwyrmFinallyGotAnAccount, PorterHawk



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adventure, Alternate Universe - Birdtale (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Horrortale (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Swapfell (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Underswap (Undertale), Birdtale Sans (Undertale), Cursed Swords that are dicks, Cursed swords, Fantasy, Gen, Horrortale Papyrus (Undertale), Horrortale Sans (Undertale), Swapfell Papyrus (Undertale), Swapfell Sans (Undertale), Underfell Papyrus (Undertale), Underfell Sans (Undertale), Underswap Papyrus (Undertale), Underswap Sans (Undertale), Underswap Undyne (Undertale), fanfic within a fanfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:21:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28677327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookwyrmFinallyGotAnAccount/pseuds/BookwyrmFinallyGotAnAccount, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PorterHawk/pseuds/PorterHawk
Summary: The skeletons are on an adventure through a fantasy realm, created by the multiverses biggest weebs.Underswap Undyne and Birdtale Alphys have a fanfiction they MUST share! Along with the input of other “guest” authors and the skeletons themselves.Join the skelebros as they face demonic swords, “sexy” nymphs, crazy chainsaw wielding/pole dancing mob bosses, Jerry with a Gollum complex, and a slew of other mishaps along the way.AKA; The Skeltons are on a Dungeons and Dragons inspired quest, with lots of insanity along the way.
Kudos: 5





	1. The Adventure Begins... Sort of

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Light Drizzles](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27324196) by [BookwyrmFinallyGotAnAccount](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookwyrmFinallyGotAnAccount/pseuds/BookwyrmFinallyGotAnAccount), [PorterHawk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PorterHawk/pseuds/PorterHawk). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A spin off story to Light Drizzles.
> 
> Birdtale Alphys and Underswap Undyne, two major shippers and fanfic fanatics that are thirsty for skeleboy action in more ways then one. It’s gonna get wild.
> 
> Quick nickname rundown:  
> Comic: UT Sans  
> Rus: UT Papyrus  
> Blue: US Sans  
> Stretch: US Papyrus  
> Red: UF Sans  
> Edge: UF Papyrus  
> Razz: SF Sans  
> Slim: SF Papyrus  
> Axe: HT Sans  
> Traps: HT Papyrus  
> Burb: Birdtale Sans  
> Dove: Birdtale Papyrus  
> Chitter: Birdtale Alphys  
> Fish: Underswap Undyne

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Dude I just had this vision. Chitter and US Undyne, The Great Fic Collaboration...)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Holy shit. Also do you have any tips for painting a beach? Trying to paint a shell for a gift)

*****—-PLANNING PHASE——*****

Chit plus Fish:  
The hero Blue must find companions in his quest to save the kingdom, he has the minstrel magician Stretch, the black knight Edge, and the stout barbarian Red by his side. He journeys to find a ranger to help on the journey, being directed to a small cottage said to be the home of a seasoned ranger and his brother.

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Bro it’s like a DND campaign fic I can’t XD allow me to pull on my game knowledge for the Swapfell intros.)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Yeeeeeees. I totally mean for Slim to have a lil spider pet friend/battle partner. Razz .... allows it. Barely )

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Ddkfnfkdl My thought process was completely different, but yours is more adorable and makes sense since Slim was basically a scout before! My thinking was Razz was a Ranger in hiding with Slim as his stalhound companion djdnfk.)  
(If Slim is the ranger what shall Razz be? I’m almost tempted to say a shamed Paladin, maybe with a curse of some sort which forced him to leave his brotherhood?)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Or maybe a cursed swordsmaster? He picked up a demon blade (or something?) and had to leave his order/brotherhood.)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Oh a cursed swordsman could be fun! I’m not sure if a cursed sword is enough to force him to leave his brotherhood, but I know a curse like lycanthropy will put the individual on the immediate kill list of the order. Also I had to look up types of cursed weapons and I’m really loving the Craven’s Edge and the Mournblade. They talk to their wielders and are merciless dicks fjfjfjk)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(I am not completely familiar with D&D rules. But I love Razz having a dick blade yelling at him. I love sentient weaponry that basically says the wielder isn't worthy of them fuck off. Maybe the sword is on the mantle and Razz bickers with it daily?)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Bruh, they’re living in isolation, Razz is in a depressed state being kicked from his order and not doing much except bickering with a blade that Slim can’t hear. When the adventures come Slim’s like “Please help me get him out of the house my brother is losing it.”)

****—-THE ADVENTURE BEGINS—-****

***  
Bookwyrm  
Bone Brigade:  
*The hero Blue must find companions in his quest to save the kingdom, he has the minstrel magician Stretch, the black knight Edge, and the stout barbarian Red by his side. He journeys to find a ranger to help on the journey, being directed to a small cottage said to be the home of a seasoned ranger and his brother.*

*Blue approaches a small, isolated cabin on the outskirts of town, the rest of the party trailing close behind. Knocking on the front door, a tall skeleton with a big spider on his head answers.*  
Blue: Hello! I, Sir Blue, would love to take your brother and you on an adventure, young ranger Slim!  
Razz: *From the front room.* YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU DECORATIVE LETTER OPENER!

***  
HomeHawk12  
Stretch: Uhhhhh..... it doesn’t work as an insult to Blue if it doesn’t remotely make sense.  
Slim: He’s... not talking to Sir Blue.....  
Blue: Then who is he talking to?  
Slim: My brother has seen a slew of rough times recently.... he’s been talking to his sword and I think he’s losing his mind.

***  
Bookwyrm  
Blue: We can help him find it!  
Edge: ..... I don't think the madness a soldier faces can be helped.  
Red: .... have you tried alcohol?

***  
HomeHawk12  
Slim: He actually did.... but he’s a violent drunk and we couldn’t afford to keep replacing the furniture.  
Red: Oh boy. This may have been a mistake.  
Blue: Nonsense! We shall help him find his sanity again.  
*Sir Blue and the others enter the room. Seeing Razz sitting in a stained shirt staring at an old sword on the mantle.*

***  
Bookwyrm  
Blue: Razz, was it? I would like to take you and your brother on a quest! To save the kingdom!  
Razz: From what? I can see why you would want Slim. A ranger can help track and feed the group... and Webby has venom. But why me?  
Blue: There is an unknown force in the Gnarled Woods to the west! I have been sent to deal with it! And I need companions to help with that!

(I am going to laugh if there are bits where the others were talking around the sword and it told Razz... there was no way Razx would have known if neither person told him. Or if the possessed sword would take over if Razz gave very very precise consent.)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Asdhdda possessed Razz oh god. Bloodlust and dickishness stat has increased by 12)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Ye. And since Slim never saw Razz in battle or needed to allow the possession...... maybe they start to believe the poor man.)  
(Dude. Imagine them over hearing Razz negotiate with the sword for non battle possession time.)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Oh my god, I want that to become a conversation XD They think he had multiple personality disorder or something rjdjfngnk)

Bone Brigade:  
Blue: I, Sir Blue, am in particular need of strong fighters. Our team is also lacking a healer, which I believe your background covers, yes?  
Razz: .... I know some basic healing magic as a former paladin if that’s what you mean.  
Blue: Perfect! Then we need you to come!  
Razz: What’s in it for me?  
Blue: Huh?  
Razz: Am I getting paid to do this? Even as a hermit, living requires money.  
Blue: .... Yes, I can pay you for your service.  
Razz: You have a deal then.

(Oh god, what would Rus and Comic be? Well, Rus I could definitely see as a Cleric with their healing magic and dedication to their deity. Maybe Comic is a Druid? And uses it as an excuse to never shower since he wants to be “one with the mud.”)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Chitter: .... I want Dove to be an angel.  
Fish: That’s so cliche! ..... maybe a nephilim?  
Chitter: ... oh! My Sans can be a half demon and Dove half angel!  
Fish: OMG I LOVE IT. Can Rus be cleric? And Comic a druid? I need some magic men.  
Chitter: where have you been all my life!?!)

Blue: GUYS HE SAID YES!  
Red: ..... the unhinged guy.... said yes?  
Slim: If my brother is going I want to as well.  
Razz: *Glares at Red, turns to Slim.* You make sure to negotiate properly. *Packs up his old armor, it is in a comically large pack that he carries with no effort. The sword sheathed between the pack and Razz as it is nearly as tall as Razz himself.*

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Chitter: What would Axe and Traps be?  
Fish: Oh my, the party is getting super big already..... hmmm.)

Stretch: *Playing his trombone as traveling music.*  
Razz: How did you manage to find a bard that plays trombone of all things?  
Blue: He’s actually my brother.... he was the only bard that would come.  
Razz: I see...... yes he does remind me of Slim oddly enough.... don’t get snippy with me! ..... I will use you to chop firewood!!!  
Edge: *Hand on his own blade, just in case he needs to protect everyone from the crazy guy.*

(Axe and Traps are liches that the heros must listen to in order to save the kingdom lhgfbjt)

***  
Bookwyrm  
*Edge watches as the crazy fucker actually does end up using his sword.*  
Edge: .... Blue, I have concerns.  
Razz: *Hard chop. The sword almost as tall as him is tearing into the wood* .... FUCK I FORGOT YOU DON’T NEED SHARPENING! THIS ISN'T EVEN MILDLY ANNOYING YOU!  
Edge: .... many concerns.

(Or maybe because lichs hide their 'hearts' (souls in this case) the big villain stole their hearts and commands them.)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Ohhhhhh that’s a good idea! Our heroes must free the lich to help defeat the big evil. Also Red is an alcoholic and Edge is legit OCD to the point it slows the group down when they try to leave camp. They need more character with Razz being the big crazy djdnfk. I almost feel like we need a seperate chat thread for this adventure, I love it already)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(There! A place to do that if you wish.)

Red: ...  
Slim: *Has a large, large spider on his skull. It's not even a cute one. It's .....disturbing.*  
Red: .... Blue why did you pick up the crazies?

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Bone Brigade Chat!!! djdnfk)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Yeah! And now we can add any other spin offs too!)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Exactly! The Razz adventure extended universe is growing djdnfk)

Blue: Why that is a long story my friend! A story that shall require a flashback!  
Red: Wait it was a rhetorical-

Flashback:  
*Scene fades to that of Sir Blue sleeping in bed. His dream shifts into something odd. Was he floating in space?*  
????: Hey there.  
Blue: Wowie! *The figure in front of him is a roughed up skeleton with tattered robes, scared bones and a single glowing red eyelight.* Who are you????  
???: .... call me Axe for now. Listen, I’ve got a very important mission for ya. My brother and I need your help.

***  
Bookwyrm  
Flashback:  
Axe: There is someone gathering dark forces in the Gnarled Woods. They are aiming to storm the kingdom. Find the two hearts guarded in stone.  
Blue: Wowie!

***  
HomeHawk12  
Flashback:  
Axe: There is one more thing you should know.  
Blue: What is it?  
Axe: For the love of all that is holy, if you come across the Sword of the Mad King, do NOT bring it to the final battle, Understood?  
Blue: Okay! By what is it exactly?  
Axe: It’s a- shit he’s coming.... no time. Just remember what I told you-

*Blue wakes up, hopping out of bed.*  
Blue: That was a crazy dream! Almost like a message.... that’s it! I have to stop the dark forces in the Gnarled Woods! And something about a sword.....? Eh, wasn’t important. I must inform the Queen at once!

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Blue you had one job)

Present Time:  
Razz: ........  
Blue: It’s a hero thing! I have to share memories like that! I can also make my voice REALLY LOUD!  
Razz: .......*facepalms.*

***  
HomeHawk12  
( DJDNJDKDN BLUE I LOVE YOU)

Blue: Let’s see, where was I? Oh yes! Back to the flashback!

Flashback Transition Noises:  
*Blue is rushing around his kitchen, grabbing bread and jams and whatever else he may need. He’s never been on a long adventure before.*  
Blue: Wowie, this is a heavy pack. Good thing I am in very high spirits and ready to conquer anything! *Opens the front door, crashing into his brother, bags and whatever else falling all over the place.*  
Blue: Stretch? You’re back from the Bard College?  
Stretch: I DIDN’T FAIL OUT! THAT WAS JERRY’S FAULT- I-I mean what’s up bro?  
Blue: It must be fate that you graduated just in time to bring you back here at this very moment! I am seeking an audience with the Queen for an important quest, and as an official Bard I could really use your help!  
Stretch: Right.... a full fledged Bard.... yeah let’s get going then.

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Stretch... that almost degree must come in handy!)

Blue: BROTHER I FINALLY HAD A HERO'S QUEST GIVEN TO ME!  
Stretch: Yeah?  
Blue: GRAB YOUR TROMBONE AND BATTLE KAZOO! I NEED TO GET SOME PEOPLE TO COME WITH US! I'LL BE RIGHT BACK! I'M GOING TO CHILLBY'S!

(Where Blue pays off Red’s debt and somewhat owns him for the duration for the adventure. Red was drunk and didn't completely understand what he was signing.)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Bro, that was literally exactly what I was thinking for Red’s recruitment, only after they met with the Queen lofjgjf)

Red: So all I gotta do is kill some evil assholes and travel with ya, and you’ll pay off my whole debt?  
Blue: Absolutely! Just sign this contract of binding and we will have a barbarian on the team!  
Red: And….. signed. LATER LOSERS! IMMA MAKE SOMETHING OF MYSELF! *Proceeds to chug half a bottle of bourbon, walking into the doorframe.*  
Blue: Wowie! This has been an industrial afternoon!  
Red: *Rubbing his forehead where he collided with the frame.* Where are we goin’ next kiddo?  
Blue: THE QUEEN! We must warn her about the dark forces! And perhaps ask for a Knight to accompany us!  
Red: Heh, ya know, my bro’s a Knight, a freaking weirdo, but a Knight no less. Hopefully we don’t end up stuck with him.  
Blue: Why would you say that?  
***  
Bookwyrm

Red: The guy is all uptight. Good enough knight, but can be a total dick.

(Fish: .... Chitter. Do you realize how hot a berserker Red would be with those fangs?  
Chitter: ....OH MY MEW MEW KISSY! YOU'RE RIGHT!)

Stretch : .... so, what does my brother mean when he says an adventure?

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Edge was the person that was neurotic enough to sweep the dirt path leading up to the house. His sanity improved when he moved out of his brothers shit barrel, Red probably lives in an empty barrel he is so in debt.) (Also Blue needs a personal goal for self growth!)

Flashback:  
(Regalia = Underswap Toriel)  
*It took about four hours, but they finally managed to get an audience with the Queen.*

Regalia: Ah, you must be the young Blue, son of Sir Gaster the Wise.  
Blue: It’s Sir Blue, your Majesty!  
Stretch: Bro, have you been knighted?  
Blue: What’s that?  
Red: It means you’re not a Knight until a Royal decrees you ta be one, dumbass- OW! *Stretch delivers an angry slap to the back of his head.*  
Blue: Oh.... so how do I become a Knight?  
Regalia: You must prove yourself to me. Either by doing something chivalrous, or completing a great quest.  
Blue: Oh! We are here to warn you about something! A strange creature visited me in a dream! *Proceeds to tell her the entire story.*  
Regalia: I see. That would certainly be a quest worthy of knighthood. I permit you entry to the Gnarled Forest, and will assign you a Knight to accompany you.  
Red: Please not my bro, please not my bro....  
Regaila: Sir Edge the Orderly.  
Red: Dammit.....

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Edge is the most clean, that’s why he has pure black armor, he obsessively cleans it. And has the most proper paperwork ever.)

Edge: ..... hello brother.  
Red: ..... I like my lifestyle so you can get yer comments out now.  
Edge: ..... you haven't cleaned your jacket and furs since I left have you?  
Red: *sharp smile.*  
Edge: .........  
Blue: HI I’M BLUE! YOU ARE A KNIGHT RIGHT?!? OH MY STARS THAT’S SOOOOO COOL TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT! OH WAIT, WE HAVE TO GET STRETCH! TELL ME ON THE WAY!!!  
Edge: .............. I see why the Queen sent me now.

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Exactly. It’s so shiny upon can literally see your reflection in it. It’s reflective enough to be used against a gorgon’s powers against itself.)

Edge: So you are traveling to the Gnarled Forest?  
Blue: YEP! THAT’S WHAT AXE SAID IN THE DREAM!  
Edge: ..... and what rolls does your team currently cover?  
Blue: My brother Stretch is a certified Bard! Red is a Barbarian and I am an almost Knight! And you are an official Knight!  
Edge: ...... we won’t last as things stand. We need a Ranger and a Cleric, or someone who knows BASIC healing spells. That is a very dangerous place.  
Blue: Well, Muffet gave me a name of someone who might join. He’s actually a Ranger! AND he has an older brother!  
Edge: Any idea what the older brother does?  
Blue: Muffet said something about a Paladin? Or a former one at least.  
Edge: ..... yes stopping there would be a good idea.

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Edge thought he would get two minor healers with scattered other abilities. He got spider boy and the crazy one.)

Edge: We will need transportation and a map at the least.  
Blue: Stretch should have that! I'll get you a tea while we wait then we can get Red’s stuff next!

***  
HomeHawk12  
(I currently love everything about this)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Fish: .... Chitter this is the best thing I've ever written so far)

***  
HomeHawk12  
*Things transition back to the present.*  
Blue: And THAT is how we ended up with everyone in the party! *Big smile.*  
Razz: .... I don’t need more supplies.... I’ll figure out transport.  
Blue: THAT’S GREAT! Brother! Go and help him barter. Your bard degree will make it easier.  
*Stretch really doesn’t want to go with crazy.*  
***  
Bookwyrm  
*Crazy doesn't want to go with Stretch either. Crazy can do business on his own thank you very much. This isn't Razz’s first adventure. The last one left him with the world's most annoying demon sword.*  
Stretch: ... sooo. We need food right? Honey is food.  
Razz: Honey is expensive. While it does stay good for a very long time, it is not budget good. We should get jerky, good as is and can be put in soup. Bread won't last all that long, a week at most. Potatoes and onions last a long time. Wine or an alcohol will last too. Best to get cheap alcohol that isn't all that strong. We will need wineskins, and salt will be useful too. ........ fuck off! I know the barbarian will drink us out! I was just listing options!  
Stretch: ..........oooooookay. I didn't say anything.  
Razz: I wasn't fucking talking to you.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Razz: If TIFFANY would shut up for five seconds, maybe we could come up with a decent list!  
Stretch: ..... Tiffany?  
Razz: It’s what I call my dumb demon sword because it hates when I call it that.  
Stretch: .... demon sword? *Looks at the black metal sword on his back. The hilt looks old and a bit rusted. Nothing a demon would want to possess, if they were real. Too plain.*  
Edge: How about we write up a list first and decide from there?  
Razz: Finally, someone that talks sense around here.  
Stretch: .......

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Razz probably has a list of names for the different levels of annoyance.)(Stretch buddy.... not everyone wants to seal a demon into an expensive ass sword! And gold is a soft metal! Not battle ready at ALL.)

Edge: ......*At least the crazy has travel experience.*  
Razz: Rope. I won't leave without a good amount of rope.  
Stretch: .... why rope?  
Razz: It is so useful and versatile.  
Edge: ..... didn't you learn this as a bard?  
Stretch: .... uh yeah… I was just testing you. *Nods toward Razz with eye contact with Edge, implying things.*

***  
HomeHawk12  
*Edge understands the implication but is not amused.*  
Edge: Transportation would be the next thing.  
Blue: Do we get horses?!  
Razz: Probably a wagon and maybe one or two mules. The Gnarled Woods is horrible for wagons, but we can use that to get there. A bunch of horses would make us too noticeable. Mules are better. Plus, we can eat them if we get desperate. Or two smaller horses will work too. I hate eating horses though.

***  
Bookwyrm  
Edge: ....... that is .... helpful yet bluntly-  
Razz: No Clarice I won't even try that. *Flicks the pommel of his sword.* Shut up or I won't oil you.  
Stretch: .... you sure we can't get honey?

Blue: .... I think we should sort out what we do have for the journey Red!  
Red: zzzzzzz.....  
Blue: RED! GET UP! I THINK YOU NEED A SHOWER! I NEED TO LOOK AND YOUR ARMOR ANYWAY!  
Red: *Startled awake from Blue’s hero voice.*

***  
HomeHawk12  
*Edge perks up as soon as he hears the word “shower.”*  
Red: ..... five more minutes..... zzzzz….  
Blue: RED- *Edge quickly covers his mouth.*  
Edge: We aren’t going to get him to bathe like that. We have to be sneaky.  
Blue: What do you mean?

*A few minutes later:*  
Blue: Red, I am sorry about this, but you stink!  
Red: *Blinks his sockets when Blue scoops him up.* Wha -AHHH! *Gets thrown into a bubble filled tub, armor and everything.*  
Red: BLUE YOU BASTARD-  
*Edge grabs and holds him down with one hand, going crazy with a scrub brush in the other.*  
Edge: You have NO IDEA how long I’ve wanted to do this brother!  
Red: I’LL KILL ALL OF YA IN YOUR SLEEP- *Gurgles when he gets dunked back under.*

***  
Bookwyrm  
Razz: ...... I’m not touching that. Slim! We are checking our list and getting shit for the road. *taking a 2nd command position, Blue is very inexperienced and Razz doesn't think Edge has had a leader position yet. Doesn't act like it. With him as the healer and Slim the ranger, it's their responsibility to make sure they are stocked *

***  
HomeHawk12  
*Edge is to busy reveling in Red getting clean to care. Slim and Razz take Blue’s wallet and head into town.*  
Slim: Hey look, the stable.  
Razz: I don’t see any mules in their pens and I don’t like it.  
Slim: Should we buy a cart and animals now? Makes carrying everything else easier.... bro?  
Razz: I don’t care if you like slaughtering horses! I DON’T! What were you saying brother?

***  
Bookwyrm  
Slim: ..... should we wait on a cart and animals?  
Razz: Hmmm. No. This is the largest city we will come across if we head to the Gnarled Woods. We should find another stable. Its quite a walk from home. Either we get animals here or test our luck. And I wouldn't want to test our luck. If the knight doesn't have his own horse he isn't a well backed one. Or spends his money unwisely. This is the capital. If the shops around the castle don't have it, where else would?  
Slim: .... I just don't go into the town much, we have most of what we need at the cottage.  
Razz: We will need more for the journey.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Slim: You know. We didn’t ask if the Knight has a horse or not. We literally only met him..... an hour ago? Yeah, watch says it’s been an hour. It’s pretty late in the afternoon too.  
Razz: ..... Alright. We shall purchase food supplies first, stop back to see if they are done with the whole.... bath thing..... SHUT UP DAISEY I TOOK A BATH YESTERDAY!  
Slim: Should we grab some honey for the Bard? He really wanted some.  
Razz: It’s too expensive, and it’s not difficult to find bee hives in the wilds. We’ll just pack some extra jars.  
*Meanwhile, Edge is wrestling fur and armour pieces off his brother tossing them to Blue, who is marking what is too rusted or worn and needs replacing. Stretch is enjoying the show.*

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Is it bad I want the demon to be a hate-flirter when it gets the chance to be in control?)

*Slim is too used to his brother’s outbursts now. He just lets them happen.*  
Slim: .... Yes, I could find some. I just don't know IF we will pass near any.  
Razz: Too bad, I'm not spending a quarter of the money on honey.

At Razz’s Cottage:  
Red: YOU FUCKERS!  
Edge: Brother, you should be nice to Razz! Look he has some scented soap!

***  
HomeHawk12  
Razz’s Cottage:  
Red: IMMA BE DICKS TO YOU- GURGURGURGURG~  
Blue: Okay! So basically Red needs his entire armor set replaced! Wowie, you took terrible care of it!!!!!!

(BRO THAT WOULD BE HILARIOUS XD)

***  
HomeHawk12  
In Town:  
Razz: Okay, this 70 pounds of jerky, potatoes, and onion will last us a little after we enter the forest, perhaps longer if you make a successful hunt along the way.  
Slim: *Huff. Huff.* Can we get a cart now please?????

***  
Bookwyrm

Razz: ..... Slim, you should know that an adventurer needs to be able to carry all that he needs on him. Much like a ranger or forester does- NO DENISE I AM NOT GETTING A NEW SHEATH.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Slim: But we are carrying supplies for SIX PEOPLE.  
Razz: We’re almost home so stop- what the hell am I looking at???  
*In the wash basin there is a mound of soap bubbles with glowing red eyelights, only for Edge to dump a bucket of not-soapy water on it to reveal a very clean, very naked, and very pissed Red.*

(Bro what if Edge does have a horse and it’s as much of a prick as he is?)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(The horse is black too. Edge has a whole set of soaps and brushes just for Death Strider)

Red: Fuck all of this.  
Razz: .... was that. MY GOOD SOAP FOR AUDIENCES WITH ROYALTY?!  
Slim: ............... I’ll.... pack stuff up I guess.


	2. The Journey (Finally) Starts.... and Ligma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang finally sets out on their adventure, only to learn they are far more dysfunctional together then they first thought. This is going to be a loooooong journey.

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Death Strider XDDD Dude I love it so much. I wish I wasn’t at work this is really inspiring me to draw fjdjfkg)

Blue: Guess what! We found out what clothes and armor pieces Red needs replaced, and it’s basically all of it! AND we can get within five feet of him now without gagging!  
Razz: ..... whatever. Not like I’ll ever have an audience with royalty ever again.... YES ROSEY THAT IS YOUR FAULT?!?!  
Slim: Edge, as a Knight do you have a horse? We are trying to figure out what cart to get and how many animals we might need.

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Its up there with doomfanger.)

Blue: I pretty much own you Red! You have the right of complaint and not dying, but that's about it!  
Edge: ...... WHAT. DOES. HE. MEAN. BROTHER?

***  
HomeHawk12  
Red: I ain’t saying nothing till I get my clothes back! *Edge throws a towel in his face then growls louder.*  
Edge: WHAT. DOES. HE. MEAN?!!!!  
Red: I signed a contract saying I’d help kill some evil shit and he’d pay off my tab! Nothing big!  
*Blue holds up the contract, Edge recognizing it immediately.*  
Edge: …. you were drunk when you signed that weren’t you?  
Red: FUCK YOU I DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM!

***  
Bookwyrm  
Blue: .... I think I need to have a limit on alcohol!  
Red: What was yer name? Blue? Don't do that.  
Edge: Yes do that!  
Blue: Chillby was very nice about it.

*Razz is trying to find a lucky pouch of his.*

***  
HomeHawk12  
Slim: Edge, do you have a horse we can use or not?  
Edge: Of course I have a horse.  
Red: Heh-  
Edge: SHUT UP! Anyway I do indeed, but he isn’t some lowly cart pony. Death Strider has standards!  
Razz: Tina I swear if you lost my pouch I will kill you... FOUND IT!

***  
Bookwyrm  
*Razz knows with this disaster of a crew, he will need some of his items he has saved from previous adventures.*

Slim: Cool. We will probably get mules and a cart or wagon. Cost effective.  
Edge: Yes. That seems good enough.

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Is that a bag of holding he has there? If so, Razz and Slim could pull out who knows what. Also I remember these from a DnD game I played before and I love these items)

https://www.dndbeyond.com/magic-items/figurine-of-wondrous-power

Red: Gimme money for some clothes at least. *Hold his hand out, towel wrapped around his waist.*  
Edge: Oh no you don’t! We are going STRAIGHT TO BUY YOU SOME ARMOR! I KNOW you were planning on spending that on booze!  
Red: Hey! Get back here with my money!  
Edge: WE ARE BUYING ARMOR!  
Blue: We’ll keep your axe safe!

Razz: We should finish up the shopping, don’t you four agree?  
Stretch: Please.  
Slim: Yes.  
Blue: I am so excited!  
Razz: NOBODY ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION!!!! I WILL IMPALE YOU THROUGH A TREE!!!!

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Those items are awesome. ..... maybe a special .... Silver drider/spider for slim? Razz at first didn't realize it could transform into a fucking huge ass spider)

Red: *Stole some of Razz’s clothes to wear to the smithy/armory.* I need heavy leather stuff. Fur. Not too much metal, that’s 'pensive.

Blue: What did I do?!?! I'm sorry! *Is really sad and hurt.*  
Stretch: Buddy what the hell!?!  
Razz: I wasn't talking to you, Blue!!!  
Slim: He talks to the sword....

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Bro, Razz would grow a bladder just to piss himself in fear XD I love that idea. Let’s give him one djdnfk)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(If it is the drider.... imagine them picking Razz up and hugging him! Thank you for buying me!)

***  
HomeHawk12  
Stretch: Oh yeah, I almost forgot he’s insane.  
Razz: I AM NOT INSANE! THIS SWORD LITERALLY TALKS TO ME!!! *Jabs his finger at the hilt of the old thing. It is silent.*  
Stretch: .... why don’t we get you a new sword.  
Razz: DON'T YOU THINK I’VE TRIED THAT?!?! IT WONT LET ME GET RID OF IT!!!!

(Bro the spider statue is an actual item!)

https://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/Variant_Figurines_of_Wondrous_Power_(5e_Equipment)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Poor Razzy. Not only does Slim have a large spider that likes to sit on Slim’s skull, there is a giant one just waiting to be released.)

Razz: I WISH I COULD GET A DIFFERENT ONE, BUT HE’S A JEALOUS BITCH!  
Slim: I would comment on the sword.  
Razz: IT DOESN'T NEED THE EXTRA ATTENTION!

***  
HomeHawk12  
(He doesn’t keep it in his pocket dimension bag anymore. He forces Slim to carry the damn thing djdnfk)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Slim calls it Rocky)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Oh god he totally would djdnfk. Razz wanted to know if he could get a cat one.... they don’t come as cats. He’s just stuck with a talking sword as his eternal companion.)

Stretch: And you can’t just.... drop it off a cliff? Really?  
Razz: The farther I get away from the damn thing the louder it screams! Just a trip in the woods without it is impossible. IT’S A JEALOUS BITCH!!!!!  
BLUE: Wowie. Can I get a talking sword too?!  
Razz: NO YOU DON’T! We don’t need a second one!!!!!  
Blue: What about a magic sword? Oh! What other stuff comes in magic varieties?!?!  
Stretch: Didn’t you grab any of dad’s old junk before you left? He adventured a lot.  
Blue: All I could find was this boring compass. *Holds it out, Razz snatching it. He knows exactly what this is.*

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Good cus I don't know. Whats it do?)

Razz: This will make our journey much easier! ..... FUCKING HELL MICHELLE. YOU'RE GOING TO FUCKING TALK ME TO DEATH. I MEANT EVERY WORD YOU TOOTHPICK!

(Fish: Chitter. I think I ship Razz and the sword.  
Chitter: ..... omg.)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Wait..... would Chitter and Fish go as far as wanting them to, like, reproduce? Would Chitter have “the talk” with Fish? Would Fish even listen to the warnings????)

Blue: Why will it make it easier?  
Razz: It’s called a Seeker’s Compass. The long needle always points north, while the small needle points to what you most desire at the time.  
Stretch: Back at the Bard College we would call that a plot device.  
Razz: ..... For the first time in years I actually agree with Tiffany.

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Fish is a rash and rampant shipper. Chitter has to hold her back for her own good.)

Stretch: My name is Stretch.  
Razz: I fucking know. I wasn't talking to you. Valery said that we could have someone use this to help find places in the Gnarled Woods. Who has the most concentration?  
Stretch: *Gives Razz a look.*  
Slim: When he says random names he means the sword. (Poor boy explaining his brother’s crazy. And Razz flipping from sensible experienced traveler to madman.)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Fish.... She’d totally make the ecto reproduction mistake. If Edge also happened to hear, he’d either keel over laughing or assist Razz in destroying the evidence lmao.)

Blue: I wanna hold onto it! It’s mine!  
Stretch: Technically, it’s dads.  
Blue: Well dad it dead so it’s mine now!  
Razz: Whatever. It’s only good for one charge a day, so when you have the thing you're focused on, DON’T close the lid and DON’T get distracted! LINDA I DON’T CARE IF YOU HAVE OPINIONS, YOUR OPINIONS ARE SHIT!!!!  
Stretch: Can we please buy the liquids and animals? And can you settle on like, maybe five names in total for your sword? This is getting confusing.  
Slim: Wait! I almost forgot Rocky! Wait here! *Rushes inside the cabin.*

(Razz can’t win, it doesn’t matter which world he comes from)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Isn't Fish Swapdyne? Omg. What if they had "guest authors" ... as the Fell counterparts?)  
(Damn Blue. "Dad is dead so it is mine.")

Razz: Shit, I hoped he forgot that.  
Stretch: What-  
Razz: I KNOW CHERYL. I KNOW IT WON'T KILL ME BUT IT’S SO DISGUSTING!  
Blue: ..... so-  
Slim: Got him!

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Yeah, Fish is Swapdyne. Bro, the guest authors would be a great idea!!!! And why do I feel like they’d be into the super kinky/violent writing stuff? Like right when they are about to cross the barrier to major character death/non-consent Chitter and Fish cut in to take over again.)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Fish: OOOOOOOOOOKAY THANK YOU FELL ALPHYS I AM... NOT ENTIRELY SURE THAT WAS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE-  
Fell Alph: They don't have flesh. And I know Red has done similar things-  
Fish: THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SAFE TO ALLOW THEM TO READ! CHITTER TOLD ME WHAT RAZZ DOES WHEN ANGERED!  
Chitter: .... Red did that? .... like .... really? .....*Nosebleed.*  
Fell Alph: I honestly believe he has the pelvis of a human woman. And those give live birth. You do the math.)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(DJCHDJDJAJ “He has the pelvis of a human woman, who give live birth.” BRO I’M DEAD I NEARLY CHOKED ON MY DRINK.)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Fish is gasping for breath.  
Fell Alph: Have you seen how big human infants are? I have no idea how that pops out of them. It is insane. Apparently their organs are tortured for 9 months!  
Chitter: ..........  
Fell Alph: Now imagine that.... with no flesh limits.  
Chitter: *Wide eyes*........ holy shit.)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Technically human children are born premature. Squishy skull, unable to roll around or do anything since they literally can’t get bigger in the womb without being stuck fhcrsftd)

(Chitter: S-so how many do you think Red could fit up there?  
Fell Alph: The answer? Yes.  
Chitter: *Nosebleed intensifies.*)

***  
HomeHawk12  
Slim: Here she is! *Holds up a green, stone spider statue.*  
Razz: JUST KEEP IT FAR AWAY FROM ME!!!! *Quickly rushes off cuz he’s gonna nope out before things start.*  
Slim: Isn’t she gorgeous?  
Blue: Wowie.... that’s a cool statue!  
Razz: DON’T FALL FOR IT! THE THINGS A TRAP!!!

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Ah! But Fell Alphys hasn't looked into that yet. Just know they pop out and has only seen some infants. She put two and one together and is trying to get four.)  
(Fish: .... and you said Red..... did something like that?  
Fell Alphys: best 300g I ever spent  
Chitter: ......oh my god.)

Razz: *Voice going high and shrill.* I AM NOT OVERREACTING, BETHANY!  
Blue: It’s just a statue?  
Slim: I can throw her down and she will become a real giant spider to help me. There are rules to it, but she is a good worker.  
Razz: YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME YOU KNEW WHAT IT WAS BEFORE I GOT IT AS A SOUVENIR FOR SLIM, MATILDA!

***  
HomeHawk12  
Slim: It was such a nice gift. Best thing he could have gotten me.... then I accidentally dropped it and the thing turned into a big ass spider. I call her Rocky.... also, I’m pretty sure Razz would have shit himself if he had the organs for it....  
Razz: I WOULD HAVE DONE NO SUCH THING!!!! YOU BOTH JUST LOVE TORMENTING ME! I. AM. LEAVING! *Marches his way towards town, only to go to fast walking as soon as he thinks he’s out of visual range.*

***  
Bookwyrm  
Blue: Awwwwww! He cares so much for you! I wonder if there is a dragon one? THAT IS BLUE AND SPARKLY! THAT WOULD BE COOL!

Razz: .... stupid sword. Stupid fucking spiders. WHY DAMN SPIDERS.  
*The sword seems .... extra loud when there aren't other people around to distract Razz.*

***  
HomeHawk12  
Razz: SHUT UP HELEN! I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE WITH MY THOUGHTS!!!! WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!?! WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?!?! *It’s practically buzzing on his back from the noise. Razz is clutching his ear holes to try and block out the sound, but it keeps escalating. It’s slowly driving him ACTUALLY mad.*

***  
Bookwyrm  
Razz: .....*takes breaths...... a few more....* ..... what would it take for you to treat me better? .......... what?!? .... you... want .... that? ........I-I don't know...... how can I trust you with that?!? ...................*Razz finds a tree to sit under.* ..............if I even think about it.... there would be major restrictions. And it wouldn't be every week.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Razz: Of course you wouldn’t get access whenever you want! It’s mine! You already had one and you wasted it! ..... I have to think about that..... you yelling while I’m trying think won’t make me decide faster!

*Red and Edge are returning from town, Red sporting new everything while Edge is walking Death Strider beside him.*

***  
Bookwyrm  
*Edge is immediately on guard when he sees Razz sitting by a tree.*  
Edge: Red. Be careful. He is both unstable and experienced.  
Red: .....what the fuck ever. *Still mad at the world.*  
*Edge calls out when they get closer.*  
Edge: Why are you out here?  
Razz: Needed fresh air. And Slim brought out the most disgusting thing ever.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Edge: .... I hate to break the news, but he’s had that spider riding on his head since we met you.  
Razz: I MEAN THE OTHER MOST DISGUSTING THING!!!!!!! *Rubs his skull feeling a migraine coming on from all this noise.*. Just go and tell the others to get the last of the shopping done... I need a few more minutes.

***  
Bookwyrm  
Edge: .... what could possibly be more unsanitary than Red or that spider???  
Red: Fuck off Edge.  
Edge: ... very well Razz. I will have the clothes Red borrowed put away as well.  
Razz: Just go on then!

***  
HomeHawk12  
Edge: ..... *Takes his horse and brother back to Razz’s cottage. Stretch looks like he’s falling asleep, Blue is excitedly talking nonsense while Slim is looking very amused.*  
Blue: RED! You look amazing! I almost didn’t recognize you!  
Red: Still gonna slit your throat tonight!  
Edge: Excuse me, but did all of you WANT us to travel in the dark? Because at this rate, we won’t have our supplies together till midnight! Now either get to town and shop or plan on sleeping out here tonight!

***  
Bookwyrm  
Blue: .... Slim, do you think Razz would let us share your home tonight? It would be best to get a good night's sleep....  
Slim: Probably. You should ask him when he gets back..... and maybe.... don't ask about the sword? He came back with it in his last adventure. He sets it on the mantle sometimes but he never leaves without it.

*Once Razz returns, Blue pops the question.*  
Razz: ...... I’ll think about it. Could you at least give me a bit of leeway... maybe try watching the new guys? I'm sure they have secrets and things you can unravel if you listen. Whatever I end up choosing.......... you will hold your end of the bargain, right?

***  
HomeHawk12  
Blue: Of course! I never go back on my word.  
Slim: Okay guys, we really need to buy the rest of our supplies so we can head out first thing tomorrow.  
Blue: Then let’s get going! You coming Razz?  
Razz: *Already headed back to the woods for more alone time.*  
Blue: Just us then!

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Pfft. Razz took one step into the house and said "fucking nope!")

*Slim, Edge and Blue head out. Red is ignoring everyone and sleeping. Blue is only allowing this so he can get him up bright and early tomorrow to carry supplies.*  
Slim: Razz got rope already, said it’s best to have a good amount because it is versatile and useful. And we got a good amount of traveling food. Mainly need animals, a cart, and specialty things.  
Edge: Hmmmmm....  
Blue: Oh my STARS! THIS IS EXCITING!  
Slim: I think Razz has a map of the area to the Gnarled Woods somewhere. I might get some arrows, I have a hunting bow. Maybe some more snare materials.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Edge: Are you at all familiar with the Gnarled Woods?  
Slim: I’ve been on missions that have been close to the woods, so I’m pretty familiar with the land up until a mile outside the forest. It’s not a place you really want to travel to.  
Edge: How long have you been a Ranger?  
Slim: Officially, about six years. My brother was in a Paladin order for ten years.... until the incident.... when he came back with that weird sword…

***  
Bookwyrm  
Edge: .... is there a story there or?  
Slim: He wouldn't say. I do know he was one of only a few to return from that last adventure. I haven't.... had the courage to ask yet.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Edge: Fair enough. I know I’ve been on quests before where not everyone came out alive.  
Blue: How did you become a Knight anyway?  
Edge: Why, I was the only one brave enough and capable of organizing the scariest, most dangerous place in the castle.... the archives! People had died attempting to navigate that maze, and I even uncovered some lost royal treasure. Thanks to my efforts. I became known as the most orderly knight in the kingdom!

***  
Bookwyrm  
Blue: REALLY!?!  
Edge: I battled bookwyrms and slimes that made their way in. I had to trap spirits and even a zombie or two! All on my own.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Blue: *Big sparkly eyelights.* Wowie...... you’re amazing~  
*Edge is getting his ego stroked and is loving it.*  
Edge: Now the archives are easily navigated, AND MONSTER FREE!

***  
Bookwyrm  
Edge: Those uncivilized monsters are just heathens!  
Blue: What else have you done?!? Tell me!  
(Fish: ...... oh my gosh. Is Edge racist?  
Chitter: ... how about there's a clear difference between savage monsters and civilized monsters?)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Fish: O-okay! That sounds reasonable.)

*Slim ends up doing the bartering at the stables for two mules and a wagon, all while Edge drones on and on. Most of his exploits had been centered to the castle and surrounding villages. He was an expert on every nook and cranny the castle had.*  
Edge: Then we had to recoup, but there was NO WAY I would let that horrible ball of slime continue to make a mockery of the Guard!  
Blue: Wowie! That’s so- Hey! When did we get mules? And when did we get into a cart???  
Slim: About five minutes ago. You were REALLY enthralled in that conversation.

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Slim getting shit done. Really him and Razz are the only ones semi capable.)

The Cabin:  
*Razz stares down at the barbarian stealing his bed. He is not amused. The sword is tho.*

***  
HomeHawk12  
Razz: Not. Now. Damian.  
Red: Grrrr..... do ya REALLY gotta stop my napping?  
Razz: When it is in my bed, then yes. Now could you please move to the armchair or something?  
Red: Nope. I blame you for all of the bullshit I went through today.  
Razz: ..... you signed a contract without reading it.... THEN Blue and Edge stole my wash basin and forced you into it, followed by EDGE dragging you shopping. How does anything that happened to you today have to do with me?  
Red: Ya looked at me funny.  
Razz: ...... yes Tiffany, I am aware you find this funny. Now shut up about it!  
Red: Of course I got stuck with the crazy one...  
Stretch: *Pops up from under the covers next to him, making both skeletons jump.*

***  
Bookwyrm  
Razz: FIRST MY NICE SOAP NOW MY BED!  
Stretch: I would have used Slim’s but it had cobwebs all over it.  
Razz: ........... out. Now.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Red: No! I wanna sleep- *Cursed sword gets held right to his face.*  
Razz: Did I stutter?  
Red: .... whatever. Your bed is shit anyway. *Red can’t even call his bluff because he’s 90% sure Razz is crazy enough to do it.*

***  
Bookwyrm  
Razz: .... at least he didn't have any dirt to shed in my bed.

Red: .... ya think this guy has any alcohol?  
Stretch: ... hopefully not. I don't want to deal with a crazy drunk skeleton.

***  
HomeHawk12  
*Searches through the cupboards, finding old alcohol bottles repurposed for other uses.*  
Red: HEY SHIT HEAD! I need REAL booze!  
Razz: Tough shit! This is a dry house!  
Red: Liar! I see all the evidence!  
Stretch: Please stop angering the crazy one...

***  
Bookwyrm  
Razz: Slim and I found those and repurposed them. They are good for holding nuts and tinder... There's some dried herbs and plants for some medicines. Some wealthy humans like the stuff Slim and I make. It’s a nice extra income. None of it is advanced though.  
Red: Fuck it, it might still have some alcohol in it.

***  
HomeHawk12  
*Red takes a swig.*  
Red: There’s no alcohol in here and it tastes like shit!  
Razz: I WARNED YOU ALREADY!  
Stretch: .... on second thought, I think I’ll sleep outside with the horse.

***  
Bookwyrm  
Razz: Your dog got pissy. And drank sunscreen that we would have sold at market.  
Blue: RED! THAT WASN’T NICE.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Red: HEY! IF IT’S NOT REQUIRED BY THE CONTRACT THEN I'M GONNA DO IT!  
Razz: .... This quest had better pay VERY well.  
Slim: Bro! Check out the mules! This one is Monika, and the other one Ligma.

***  
Bookwyrm  
Razz: ....what's Ligma?  
Stretch: Ligma balls!  
.....  
Razz: .....you.... have balls?  
Slim: .... the salesman said it was a foreign name.....

***  
HomeHawk12  
(XDDDDDD Who knows? Maybe there are magic spaghetti balls of transformation or something)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Holy shit. That’s like top tier cursed)

***  
HomeHawk12  
Razz: Let’s just.... shack up for the night. Red and Stretch are permitted to sleep on the floor or outside. You two are allowed to sleep on the furniture.  
Edge: Allow me to make a nice stew! I am a fabulous cook!  
Blue: You are the most amazing knight ever!!!

***  
Bookwyrm  
Razz: .....did I miss something? Did Blue, like, kiss him or just his ass?  
Slim: .... he has been telling us of his accomplishments.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Slim: *Gives him the look of “Yeah, Edge hasn’t had a quest that’s really humbled him yet.”*  
Razz: I see.....  
Blue: Can you tell me more stories of your exploits?!  
Edge: Well, I suppose I could tell you how I became partners with Death Strider!  
Blue: OKAY!

***  
Bookwyrm  
Razz: ... don't kill my pots. And when Slim and I go to our rooms only wake us if it's life or death.  
Blue: Isn’t Edge such a cool knight?!?

(Fish: ......oh gosh. I ship Blue and Edge! Who else?  
Chitter: .... the end goal is all of them.  
Fish: Which ones?  
Chitter: All. Of. Them.)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(The ultimate weapon that will defeat the evil? The Magic Maid Morphing Gems. They turn the wielders into even sexier skeletons in color coded maid outfits.)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Razz is a pale lavender/plum accents, Red- ruby red/gold accents, Edge-cherry/pink accents, Stretch- light orange/yellow accent, Blue- cyan/pastel blue accents, Slim- deep purple/silver accents, Rus- neon orange/bronze accents, Comic- dark blue/white accents, Axe +Traps is scandalously torn and bloody.)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Oh. My god..... it’s beautiful....)

*Razz is enjoying the last night in his bed for a while, the sword’s voice keeping him up for hours as usual.... as well as the sound of a breaking alcohol glass and Blue shouting sorry. He managed to get three hours of straight sleep.*

***  
Bookwyrm  
*It’s ..... actually normal for a day the sword got pissy.  
Razz is the first one up and has packed everything. Ready to go. At any moment.  
....... they... do know they are supposed to be awake?*

***  
HomeHawk12  
Razz: RISE AND SHINE LAZY BONES!!!! We are wasting daylight!  
Edge: Grrrrr.... it’s five in the morning! We get at least another fifteen minutes.  
Razz: I’m sorry! I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE RESPONSIBLE KNIGHT!!!!!

***  
Bookwyrm  
Razz: DID YOU SAY YOUR NAME WAS EDGE THE LAZY? EDGE THE LATE RISER? IT’S TIME TO GET THIS SHITSHOW ON THE ROAD!  
Red: Shut da fuck up ya crazy bastard!

***  
HomeHawk12  
Blue: *Jumps off the sofa dressed and eager.* IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII’M READY!!!!!

***  
Bookwyrm  
Razz: ..... are we sure he isn't possesed?

***  
HomeHawk12  
Stretch: *Grumbling* .....that’s rich comin’ from you.... zzzz....  
Razz: WHAT WAS THAT?!?!  
Stretch: I said I’m getting up no need ta stab me!  
*Everyone is getting up, some faster then others.*  
*It takes well over an hour and a half before they can leave, because the ‘ladies’ took a while to get ready and Edge HAD to take the bags apart and triple count the inventory or he was going to have a freak out.*

***  
Bookwyrm  
Edge: My soaps and brushes need to be on top for easy access!  
Razz: If you have ever traveled farther than a day out you would know that rope and water and the day's rations are on top!  
Edge: I disagree!  
Slim: .... I...um.... think Razz .... maybe....is ....correct?

***  
HomeHawk12  
Edge: Nobody asked you!  
Razz: *Facepalms.* You know what? We’ll let you learn the hard way. Just don’t be surprised when I can rub all the “I told you so’s,” in your face.  
Edge: Hmph! I look forward to proving you wrong. *Climbs on his horse while the other get on the wagon.*

***  
Bookwyrm  
Razz: ....what, nothing to say Sheila?  
Edge: FUCKING WHAT!?!  
Slim: Edge, he means the sword.  
Edge: ...... whatever.

Blue: Isn’t this fun Red?!?  
*Red, Razz, and Slim are walking first to be sure not to over work the mules too often, Stretch and Razz got the lucky straws for the first cart shift. *  
Red: It’s fucking stupid.  
Slim: *Glances at the tracks on the road....cool.* we have to respect the animals Red. They work just as hard as us for less pay. Razz did get good feed for them for if we can't let them graze.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Red: Coulda spent that money on booze but NOOOOO!  
Slim: Who hurt you?  
Red: ..... one more stupid question like that and I will kill ya.

*Razz is not happy to be seated in the wagon with the honey addict. Honey addict is equally irritated at being I’m seated next to crazy.*

Razz: .....*Trying to break the ice like a good team leader.* So are we not talking or?

***  
Bookwyrm  
Stretch: I would love to talk about the absence of any honey.  
Razz: That shit is expensive, and Slim can look for some as we go.  
Stretch: I am not an idiot to fall for "maybe we will later."

***  
HomeHawk12  
Razz: This world is a big place. You can either earn your own money to purchase some, or suffer in silence.  
Stretch: How do you expect me to do that out here?  
Razz: You’re a bard, figure it out.  
Stretch: *Pulls out his trombone.* I think I know what you're saying....

***  
Bookwyrm  
Razz: ... you bone-ass bitch!  
Stretch: *Glides his slide into an obnoxious glissando.*  
Razz: You make me wish I wasn't responsible enough to hold everything in AND NOT MURDER YOU.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Blue: Papy! Stop torturing Razz! He doesn’t like it!  
Stretch: You guys are no fun.  
Razz: This isn’t supposed to be fun. We are on a mission.... NO TINA I DON’T CARE IF YOU LOVE MURDER!!!

***  
Bookwyrm  
Red: .......*looks at the cart* .... Blue, we really gotta have the nutter?  
Blue: Razz is very experienced! And Edge said we needed some sort of healer, and two miner healers is the best I could find on short notice!

(Chitter: Okay, so I think we can introduce Rus and Comic on the second encounter, the first being the group having to learn to work together. Fish: and have them meet Dove and Burb just before the forest?)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Fish: Yeah! That’s a great idea! So a bandit encounter perhaps?)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Chitter: .... oh my good I wrote something like this before! So how bout.... Comic and Rus are getting robbed and the caravan saves them?)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Fish: Yes! Let’s do it!)

Razz: ..... Hold on, I smell blood.  
Stretch: ..... oh god, he is actually gonna kill us.  
Razz: Slim, check it out.  
Slim: on it.

*Rus and Comic are standing with their hands up in surrender, the person they were supposed to be guarding now dead to the robbers that attacked them.*  
Rus: YOU SEE! THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO DO! YOU ARE TERRIBLE AT LISTENING!  
Comic: Awwww, I guess we aren’t getting paid.

(They are as incompetent in protecting humans as they were in cannon djfndkfl)

***  
Bookwyrm  
Comic: ..... I didn't know that humans can't take a hit... who knew sharp bits are bad for humans.  
Rus: I didn't! And I already used my healing prayers on him too!

***  
HomeHawk12  
Comic: Huh, well this is a problem.  
Robber: Shut up and give us your valuables!  
Slim: *Sees what is happening and reports back to the group.*

***  
Bookwyrm  
Robbery:  
Comic: .... I got a stick.

Cert:  
Slim: Looks like a bandit gang hit some travelers.  
Red: *Looks at Razz.* What kinda freak can tell the scent of blood like that?  
*Thankfully only Edge heard Red.*

***  
HomeHawk12  
(The sword heightens some of Razz’s senses.... particularly the ones good for killing and seeming crazy)

Edge: No matter. I will dispatch of these heavens and we shall be on our way! Onward Death Strider!  
Red: Wait! Don’t ditch- everyone else.....  
Razz: *Sigh.* Stay with the cart Stretch. Everyone else, let’s go.

***  
Bookwyrm  
Robbery:  
Rus: Oh look! There's someone coming brother!  
Bandit: *.....is this guy for real???* ........ dude, you are really not good at this.  
Comic: You’re right, he's the greatest.  
*Edge just strode on in. No plan. No recon.*

***  
HomeHawk12  
(I love everything about the classic boys. They are the best for a reason lmao)

Edge: Leave them alone evil doers, or you will be forced to face the wrath of Sir Edge the Orderly!  
Bandit 2: Shit it’s a knight!  
Bandit 1: A weird one..... I think he’s on his own.  
Bandit 3: This will make it much easier.

***  
Bookwyrm  
Edge: YOU DARE TO FACE ME!?!  
Bandit 2: .... yeah dumbass. You're alone. That horse would fetch a good 200g.  
Edge: EXCUSE ME?!? Death Strider would make 600g easy!

***  
HomeHawk12  
Bandit 3: Even better.  
Rus: Be careful stranger! They have knives!

***  
Bookwyrm  
Bandit 1: .... looks like we have three dumbasses-ACK!  
*Razz just jumpkicked the guy. BECAUSE SOMEONE ACTUALLY KNOWS THAT SURPRISE IS A GOOD TACTIC. SOMEONE THAT’S NOT A PRETENTIOUS PRICK.*  
Razz: SLIM!  
*Slim takes an arrow and aims for Bandit 3. He hits the shoulder of the man.*  
Rus: Oh no! Are you okay?!?  
Razz: ...... HE JUST ROBBED YOU.  
Rus: I took an oath to care for everyone!

***  
HomeHawk12  
Edge: NYEEEEEEEH! *Takes his sword and beheads Bandit 3 before Rus can get to him.*  
Rus: STOP KILLING EVERYONE! I CANNOT HEAL A BEHEADING!  
Edge: THAT'S THE POINT!!!!!

***  
Bookwyrm  
Razz: YOU DON'T HEAL ENEMIES UNLESS THEY HAVE INFORMATION. IT THEY ARE INJURED, THEY WON'T GET FAR!  
Rus: That is scarily logical.  
Comic: yup.  
Red: *Huffs behind Blue.* I am not built for running.  
Blue: But your contract says otherwise!

***  
HomeHawk12  
Red: FUCK YOU ASSHAT!  
Blue: But you're the one that signed!  
Bandit 2: *Charges them with a war cry.*  
Red: DO YOU MIND?!?! GRAHHHH!!! *Splits him in half right down the middle before Blue can even draw a weapon.*  
Blue: THAT'S THE SPIRIT!  
Red: FUCK YOU!!!!

***  
Bookwyrm  
Blue: You are handsome but waaaaay too dirty for my tastes!  
Red: DAMMIT BLUE! THATS NOT- F U C K.  
Razz: ARE ANY of you taking this SERIOUSLY?!?

***  
HomeHawk12  
*Bandit 1 tries to run away seeing his comrades slain. Razz notices, chucking his cursed blade at the fleeing target. The thing does rapid flip spins through the air, impaling the man through the back of the head.*  
Rus: THAT WAS UNNECESSARILY VIOLENT.  
Edge: The foe has been slain, thanks to Sir Edge!  
Razz: YOU ONLY KILLED THE ONE!

***  
Bookwyrm  
Edge: The first kill is the most important!  
Razz: NO THE LAST ONE IS!  
Rus: You didn't have to kill them!  
Razz: I felt like it.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Slim: *Trying to steer away from the argument.* Are you guys okay?  
Rus: Absolutely! Well, our client isn’t.... and neither are the others.....  
Comic: Eh. Shit happens. At least we still have our health, right bro?  
Rus: Absolutely!  
Razz: *Oh great he’s loud like Blue.*

***  
Bookwyrm  
Comic: … we’re recently unemployed though.  
Blue: OH MY GOSH IT’S FATE. DO YOU WANT TO COME WITH US?!?  
RUS: OH DEAR GODS YES!  
Razz: ... looking at your robes you're a cleric. Don't you have a single god?  
Rus: I may follow one but they are all equally nice and deserve to be known!

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Bro, Pap as a Cleric reminds me of my first ever DND game and character. She was a Cleric, and the DM let me be a Pastafarian, spreading the word of the god she discovered in a fever dream and handing out posters to the other players with “Carbo Diem.* plastered all over with the spaghetti monster’s image. It was a good campaign....)

Razz: .... whatever. So what do you do? *Gestures to Comic.*  
Comic: I’m a Druid. From The Order of the Wilted Shrub, if that rings a bell.  
Razz: Oh gods those guys....

***  
Bookwyrm  
(That's great! The only adventure I got to play was having a sadist asshole for a DM and I'm not saying that lightly. He threw a tantrum because some of us had gotten bored of a 45 minute description of different guest bedrooms. Like a literal tantrum. He wasn't a good person. She was a drawf oracle, first ever character. I really just picked a role they didn't have and wanted to learn more about it. Any other games I had to try and DM for the first time. Bit off more than I could chew.)

Comic: You know of them?  
Razz: I have had to pick up slack from so many of you, and if your healing and spells weren't so useful I would refuse to even work with you!

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Bro, that absolutely sucks. Seriously, bad DM’s can easily ruin the game permanently for lots of newcomers. Were you working from pre-written campaigns when you tried to DM? Or did you make them up?)

Comic: Eyyyyy! Glad to meet a former acquaintance then.  
Razz: I don’t even LIKE calling you acquaintances!!!!!  
Stretch: *Yelling.* Are you guys done yet? Can I bring the wagon forward or should I stay back here????

***  
Bookwyrm  
(I used free books online for a Pokemon one, had to make up a lot. It was fun but making npcs was hard in that book. Had to make the people and Pokemon. It was a lot of fun and super casual.)

Razz: YOU CAN BRING IT. YOUR BROTHER FOUND NEW PEOPLE TO FEED, SO RATIONS WILL BE TIGHTER TO ACCOMMODATE THEM.

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Nice! I haven’t tried a Pokemon version but it sounds hilarious.  
Lol I’ve run a couple Call of Cthulhu campaigns, and I must say the official beginners DM kit has been amazing to work with. I know DND has a version as well lol.) (Have you heard of Wizards of the Coast before?)

Stretch: ...... if we find honey on the way I’m not sharing!!!!

***  
Bookwyrm  
(So they basically had lvl 5 Pokemon. A shinx, a ralts that only growled, a litwick that the player had the worst roles ever hitting, but had the best pokemon, and a zubat. And a spheal. There was a lost doll mission before where they ripped what a jigglypuff thought was a baby from its hands and just ran after trying to soothe it with food and getting bitch slapped. So the next thing.... They decided to find the baby the next day. So I made an encounter that they could use the sneaky character at least a lil bit. NOPE. they decided to gang up on a lvl 30 Araquanid. The only reason they live is because the thing kept using status moves from the rolls. In this game, Pokemon feelings matter. They can kill you. So someone decided to throw a pokeball and the low chance to catch happens. So now he has a murder spider that hates him and he has no social skills. Like reeeeeally hates him.)

Razz: TOUGH LUCK, SLIM AND I WILL SPREAD RATIONS AS NEEDED.

(I haven't heard it. I basically went in blind after watching some YouTube videos)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Dude that’s hilarious I can’t XP Number one rule of DM’ing, the players will NEVER follow the game guide. If you think they are gonna do something just throw that assumption out the window XDDDDD the number of times I’ve just closed the book and winged it because the players went so far off the original game.... eventually I started making train noise just to indicate “stop going down this path or I will railroad the party back into the damn game!” Because it was SOOOO far off the actual book) (Wizards of the Coast is a group that holds all sorts of games, including free DND sessions that any rando could stop in and join at game stores all over the US. Before COVID it was several days a week, but I know they are moving a lot of their sessions online. I’ve gone to a few snd they are pretty fun)

<https://wpn.wizards.com/en>

(If you ever wanna try as a player again at least lol)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(I might check it out.)


	3. Angel, Demons, and an Unhappy Skeleton Love Triangle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Bone Brigade keeps on, coming upon an old fling of Razz's past, one he doesn't want to talk about. The possessed sword makes its move, and finally gets to speak its mind, to EVERYONE. 
> 
> In the real world, the science girls hire Red to assist them in their pursuit of "ecto flesh." Red makes lots of bank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: "Ecto Kink" labeled portion may be uncomfortable to some readers. Not so much explicit sexual stuff as it is full of weirdness.

***  
HomeHawk12  
*Everyone gets back to walking, with the party slightly bigger now. Razz can only cringe as everything gets a whole lot louder suddenly.*

_(Chitter: W-when do you want to introduce Burb and Dove?_  
_Fish: N-not sure yet.... though I’ve been wondering.... what if we made the bickering lovers that need to forgive each other?)_

***  
Bookwyrm  
_(Chitter: .... Who would be the lovers? Dove and Burb? They would have a cute relationship as a half angel and half demon...._  
_Fish: I was thinking Dove and Razz were once lovers on an adventure, the one he found the sword on.)_

Rus: .....WOWIE. EDGE IS THAT GREAT A KNIGHT?!?  
Comic: *Is "wounded and exhausted" ....and crashed on the cart.*  
Razz: Lisandra. I won't crush their spines in their sleep. That's beneath me.

***  
HomeHawk12  
_(Fish: Yes! Maybe Dove and Burb were taking a break so Dove and Razz hooked up, creating a love triangle! By the end we could have them all sleeping together again.....)_

Red: Are we gonna set up camp anytime soon? We’ve been walking for five hours with nothing happening.  
Razz: I still see plenty of daylight left, so no.

***  
Bookwyrm  
_(Poor Razz, those girls have it out for him.)_

Red: .... this is boring.  
Razz: Adventures have a lot of down time to just walk to places. You only hear about the interesting parts.  
Edge: I think I need to wash Death Strider.  
Razz: Later. And I'm not killing the horse, Valery.

***  
HomeHawk12  
_(It’s Cuz he’s the most grossed out by sex next to Edge. He’s that forbidden fruit that they must break...)_

Slim: Seriously, you’re a barbarian. Haven’t you done any quest before?  
Red: Not since Edge was a kid..... and I always went on ships. Lots of nap time on those.  
Blue: Wait, your equipment got that bad not because of successive missions, but because you couldn’t be bothered to take any care of it in years?  
Red: Pretty much.

***  
Bookwyrm  
Blue: .....RED THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE.  
Edge: ...truly a lost cause.  
Rus: ..... I am so sorry you have to deal with that.  
Slim: ....ewwwww. I got human all over it.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Edge: Pull over at the next river! EVERYTHING NEEDS SCRUBBED DOWN RIGHT NOW!  
Razz: WE AIN’T STOPPING TILL I SAY WE ARE STOPPING! NO LUNA YOUR IDEAS SUCK!!!!

***  
Bookwyrm  
Blue: … what... did Luna say?  
Razz: *Glares at the sword.* To dump your dust on the side of the road.  
Blue: oh... that's not nice.  
Razz: Oh no how could you get THAT idea.

_(Ooooh what if.... the more Razz relies on the sword enhancements.... the more he uses the supernatural abilities of the sword the more likely he is to give consent to the demon in it?)_

***  
HomeHawk12  
_(Omg I love that idea so much.... he slowly becomes a slave to the thing without even realizing.)_

***  
Bookwyrm  
_(.......maybe the reverse happens if he... "domesticates" the demon. Like, Razz’s mind gets the demon to agree to his demands.)_

***  
HomeHawk12  
_(I actually really like that. Reminds me of the nine-tailed situation from Naruto. It’s the “I can change him.” Thing.)_

***  
Bookwyrm  
_(Chitter: ..... what... if the demon gets possessive and jealous from Razz’s attention with Dove the half angel. And territorial with Burb? Because that would be HOT!)_

***  
HomeHawk12  
_(Fish: GASP!!! You are so right!!! Oh my. M-my ovaries are screaming at the mere thought!!)_

***  
Bookwyrm  
_(Chitter: I know right! I love that trope!)_

Blue: ... Maybe we can help if you tell us what Luna says?  
Razz: They are a real bitch. And possessive. And a jealous prick!  
Blue: ... we can try to help them to be better!

***  
HomeHawk12  
Razz: Why would you want to try helping it?! It’s done nothing but make horrible comments about every single one of you since we met.  
Blue: Anyone can be better if they try!  
Rus: EVEN DEMONIC SWORDS!  
Razz: ..... Luna is laughing at every single one of you, I hope you know that.

***  
Bookwyrm  
Blue: But we can help it be better!  
Razz: ..... I quote this. "Their dust would be more helpful on the nearby plants than any help they could provide me. Unless they irritate you-” it means me- “enough to kill them."  
Rus: That’s not nice at all! Nice swords get polished!

***  
HomeHawk12  
Razz: ..... it said it REALLY wants to rend your soul to complete tatters and have me urinate on your dust, only it is too stupid to realize I DON’T HAVE A BLADDER!!!!  
Stretch: Hey guys, not to interrupt your productive conversation, but there is something up ahead and I don’t know if it’s safe or not.

***  
Bookwyrm  
Razz: I fucking swear if its another druid I will scream!

*As most of the group stealthily,  
..... actually everyone but Razz and Slim just marches down the road.*  
*They see a broken covered wagon and too winged people trying to fix it.*  
Razz: .... oh hell. I know one of them.  
Red: He another voice in yer head?  
Razz: Nope.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Farther Up the Road:  
Dove: Hm?  
Burb: What’s up bro?  
Dove: I think I hear someone approaching.  
Burb: Really? What’s it sound like?  
Dove: Like a moderately sized group of travelers, perhaps six to eight of them?  
*Looks out, spotting the marching troop, horse, and mule drawn wagon, as well as the aura of someone very familiar....*

***  
Bookwyrm  
_(Fish: ....wait... does Dove have like .... sexy radar???)_

Dove: I think we will have company. Probably friendly.  
Burb: *Shuffles around his black demon bird wings*... if you say so.

Razz: .......... fuck. Okay. I definitely know one of them. No I don't want to tell you Jasmine!

***  
HomeHawk12  
_(Chitter: I-I was thinking.... maybe it’s like imprinting? Once an Angel or demon makes love to someone, they can recognize their soul from a distance and are naturally drawn to it.)_

*Cart approaches, Dove lighting up immediately.*  
Dove: I WAS RIGHT! RAZZ MY LOVELY DUCKLING IT’S BEEN YEARS! *Picks him off the ground in a tight hug, fluttering happily.*

***  
Bookwyrm  
_(Fish: ... that sounds like a booty call radar._  
_Chitter: ...... ok. So. Let's not call it that?)_

Red: BWHAHAHAHAHA! DUCKLING???  
Razz: Dove put me down!  
Slim: ..........what...? *Never saw any type of partner for his brother.*  
Burb: .....ooooooh-kay.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Dove: Brother! This is the lover I told you about! Back when we were “on break” as you like to call it!  
Razz: STOP TELLING EVERYONE MY PERSONAL SHIT!  
*Red had given up. He rolled back and forth in the dirt cackling like a madman. This is the richest thing he’s heard in ages.*

***  
Bookwyrm  
Blue: Wow Razz! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE THAT GOOD A LOVER THAT RANDOM PEOPLE WOULD SHOUT IT!  
*Stretch is giggling.*  
Razz: DOVE YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THAT!  
Burb: *Sees a mischief opportunity.* Oooooh. So he's the one that does that one thing.

(Ecto Kink Tangent:  
Fell Alphys: ..... so. I booked Red for a session. For research.  
Fish: .....oh gosh...  
Chitter: He does have a good referral, and even gave me a free advice session.  
Fell Alphys: I wanted to get reference pictures for that ecto idea you had. So I paid the kinky fee, and bought a ton of red jello.  
Chitter: .....oh my God.)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Ecto Kink:  
PFFFFTT! That is hilarious and disgusting all at once. They’d be trying to form jello and Red just napping while the stuff keeps falling apart between his ribs and pelvis.)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Ecto Kink:  
Fell Alphys: I at least got enough pictures to make a decent reference. Red said it wasn't too bad, just call if I wanted another session.  
Fish: ........what ..... about light blue? …  
Chitter: ..... I bet we can get cases of a good many colors of jello.  
*.........SF Undyne hears of the jello experiments..... and offers a mold for.... accuracy.*)

(Dude ..... Dove would probably spill all of Razz's secrets between them.)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(He totally would too, without a hint of shame)

(Ecto Kink:  
*The science nerds discover MythBusters and their thing for making silicone gel/rubber as pseudo flesh. They immediately use the method with all sorts of dyes. Red complains that they are more uncomfortable and heavy.*)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Ecto Kink:  
Red: The jello was at least tasty. This stuff is just. Wiggly. And not as fun as you said.  
Chitter: ....... Are you still going to show up to the Multiverse Scientist Club? ... me, fish and Fell Alphys started it.  
Red: Maybe if you pick one. I am not paid to be your model. That's extra.)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Ecto Kink:  
SF Undyne: *At the meeting with Red present.* Behold! My latest version of the body mold! What do you guys think? *It’s basically the old exto-belly, with the addition of matching D-Cup titties.*  
Red: Yeah, that’s gonna cost extra for me ta put on- *Everyone there holds out a wad of cash in his face, significant nose bleeds all over the place.*)

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Ecto Kink:  
Red: Wow, these are so annoying. They keep slapping everything.  
Chitter: ....... you are very hot.  
Fish: Should we book our next meeting? Maybe Tale Alphys can come next time.  
*Thus Red slowly becomes a regular entertainer for the various Alphys and Unydnes that are all for all that.*  
*Comic was curious about the Multiverse Science Club. He. Isn't. Any. MORE.*  
SF Undyne: Comic, if you model for us,  
I will give you a special made pelvis suit. Your Toriel will thank me. It's an upgrade on Red’s homemade design.)

Bone Boys:  
Burb: Sooo. You did all those ...maneuvers~ with Dove.  
Dove: Razz is a very attentive lover!

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Ecto Kink:  
Red: Trust me Comic, I’ve tried it, and OH BOY does it perform. The amount of stimulus on the tailbone, let’s just say you’ll be struggling to walk later.  
Comic: *This is for his love life. LOVE LIFE. He could handle thirty minutes of embarrassment*......... I’m not wearing the one with tits, alright.)

Bone Boys:  
Razz: I’M NOT TALKING TO ANY OF YOU!!!!!  
Burb: But now I’m curious. *Brushes a hand on his upper leg.*

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Ecto Kink:  
Red wore the new model by Tale Alphys, the double D tits, thiccc body positive model. Comic is an embarrassed mess with his modeling.  
Fish: ..... I have... been making some .... possible designs for a Papyrus shape. Which one would be most likely to-  
Red: Stretch.)

Bone Boys:  
Razz: Get your hands off! It was a quick fling!  
Dove: .... would love to fling again.  
*The sword is roaring with jealousy. That an angel touched its host and another demon wants it too!*

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Ecto Kink:  
*After bribing Stretch to come to the next meeting.*  
Stretch: So... what is this exactly?  
Fish: An ecto-belly made for Papyruses! It's even orange to match your magic!  
SF Undyne: Remember what we promised you. If you don’t wear the thing then the deals off.  
*Several minutes later, after putting it on and comparing it to Red’s.*  
Stretch: Sooooo...... why does mine have the two little glowy things that Red’s doesn’t? And why is mine so much rounder?  
Fish: T-Those are meant to be twin souls. Your belly is based on a.... third trimester human.)

Bone Boys:  
Razz: TINA SHUT UP I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS!!!!  
Dove: Tina? Which one is Tina???  
Blue: Ummm..... I’m pretty sure he means his sword.

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Ecto Kink:  
........... blink blink .............  
Stretch & Red: ..... fucking what???  
Chitter: It’s a fun design! This is all research for…. Um, flesh like limbs! Yeah! For people with missing limbs or don't have the preferred body they feel they need!)

Bone Boys:  
Dove: ..... the sword....*looks at it.* Razz, you kept that??? I told you it wasn't healthy!  
Razz: I didn't have a choice!

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Ecto Kink:  
Stretch: *Whispers.* Red, is this really for science, or a kink thing?  
Red: Based on the amount of nosebleeds I’ve seen, 99% sure it’s a kink.)

Bone Boys:  
Razz: The thing screams louder and louder every time I try and walk away from it!  
Burb: Let me see that. *Taps the hilt with his finger, his bone hissing upon contact from the burn that sword was trying to inflict.* Damn, that’s a real nasty one you’ve got there. Where did you find it anyway?

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Ecto Kink:  
Red: ..... I can't tell if it's model, medical, or what though. Comic tried once and refused to do the female ones. Tits are weird man.)

Bone Boys:  
Dove: He found it on that one adventure I did without you.  
Burb: It’s a nasty piece of work.  
Red: Wait, you mean he's not crazy  
Edge: I am still half sure he's crazy.  
Slim: you know what happened?!?

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Ecto Kink:  
Stretch: I mean, they aren’t terrible, a little fun actually. *Leaning over and squeezing the silicon tits on Red. This is the first time he’s actually seen “tits” and they are absolutely hilarious.*  
Red: Next time you can be the one that wears em!)

Bone Boys:  
Dove: Of course I know what happened! I was there after all! After his other Paladins were eat-  
Razz: WE AREN’T TALKING RIGHT NOW ABOUT THIS!!!!  
Dove: But the story is sooooo romantic!  
Razz: Also horrifying and full of the deaths of many close friends! I don’t wanna relive it!

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Ecto Kink:  
*Chitter saw that and blanked. Like stopped and had to process.*)

Bone Boys:  
Dove: .... okay? I don't see why not though. The sword is possessed. By a demon. He should be fine as long as he doesn't fall to temptation!  
Burb: Aww. But temptation is so much fun~  
Slim: Possession?!?

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Ecto Kink:  
Fish: C-Chitter? Are you okay? Is there a reason your wings are so..... erect? *Pokes Chitter gently, and a nosebleed explosion bursts from her nostrils before falling backwards.*  
Fish: CHITTER?!?!  
Chitter: *Pant pant pant.* I need to start making a new mold..... right now!!!!)

Bone Boys:  
Razz: Seriously Slim, it’s not that big of a deal.  
Slim: IT IS A BIG DEAL! What if that thing manages to take over?!  
Razz: Please, this sword has been trying that since I got it, and I’m still fine.  
Red: Depends on your definition of ‘fine.’

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Ecto Kink:  
Chitter: I need Stretch in double D. Even though I think he'd be a B. I need it Fish. I. Need. It.)

Bone Boys:  
Razz: At least I bathe unlike you. And it gets worse if I try to get rid of- FOR FUCKS SAKE CALM YOUR SHINY ASS!  
Slim: .... it um. It talks? Right now? NOW now?

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Ecto Kink:  
*Fish ends up making an assortment of fake tits sizes A to F.*  
Stretch: These D’s suck. My back hurts and I can’t even see my feet.  
Red: How can women not get these removed? These are a nightmare.  
Stretch: *Sees the layout of fake tits and has ideas. Pfffft. Hey Red.*  
Red: Yeah? *Looks over to see Stretch replacing one of his fake boobs with a size A one, other one the same.*  
Stretch: It’s weird, but I’m feeling a little off balance today.)

Bone Boys:  
Razz: Of course it is. It talks to me 24/7. Can’t you hear the damn thing? Or did you get that good at blocking the noise out?  
Slim: ..... bro, not once since you brought it home have I heard that thing talk.  
Razz: Clearly you must be deaf.

(Ecto Kink:  
Red: I think it’s time we spice things up here. *Picks up a few different tits tossing them in the air.*  
Stretch: Titty fight?  
Red: Titty fight!  
*From the other room, the only thing the girls could hear was Red shout “Titty fight!”*)

***  
Bookwyrm

Bone Boys:  
Dove: ...hate to break it to you, but no one else can hear him. You're the one bonded to the sword. Until you die or give up control it can't talk to anyone else.  
Razz: ..... why the hell didn't anyone tell me!

(Ecto Kink:  
Red: Stretch look I'm a jiggle-lo.  
Stretch: *Wheezing.* What the fuck man???  
*Red beats Stretch with a C cup*)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Ecto Kink:  
Stretch: Look! It’s the Pyramid of “Tits”a. *Has stacked every boob into a pyramid from biggest on bottom to smallest on top.*)

Bone Boys:  
Burb: Sorry pal. You’re stuck with it for life.  
Razz: All this time..... every time I went into town..... everyone probably thought I was a lunatic!

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Ecto Kink:  
Red: I’d worship that.)

Bone Boys:  
Slim: ......yeah.  
Razz: ....well that's just great!  
Burb: Since you're all partnered with that demon you gotta come to an ....understanding. Ya know?  
Razz: No I don't.  
Edge: .... your wagon is filthy!  
Dove: Well, it is broken down in mud. I wouldn't expect it to be clean!

***  
HomeHawk12  
Razz: Oh god.... IT’S THIS THINGS FAULT I WAS KICKED OUT OF THE BROTHERHOOD!!!! IT MADE ME LOOK LIKE I’D GONE MAD!  
Edge: Do you mind?! I’m fretting about dirt over here!

***  
Bookwyrm  
Razz: You fucker! ..... IT WAS ON PURPOSE?!?! WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE ALONE WITH YOU.

_(Chitter: Oooooh when are we getting to Razz using the possession abilities? )_

***  
HomeHawk12  
Razz: GAHHHHGH!!!! *Takes out the sword and starts blindly hacking at Dove’s wagons, eventually rubbing and slathering it in mud.*

Razz: YEAH! TASTE MUD YA FILTHY PIECE OF SHIT! I DON’T WANT YOU!!!!!

_(Fish: P-perhaps he can have an alone moment to try when they set up camp?)_

***  
Bookwyrm  
Stretch: .... yeah, that doesn't sell the whole sanity look there.  
Razz: SOMEONE FIX THE FUCKING WAGON. I AM GOING TO TRY AND NOT KILL EVERYONE.  
Slim: ... just the wheel is busted. We have an extra. If you add your supplies and wagon to ours and we fix your wagon, there should be enough supplies and wagon or cart space to easily hold most of us in a rush and half of us at a good pace for getting land covered. It will take the night to fix it though.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Dove: Oh boy! Let’s set up camp then!  
Edge: Let me sweep the ground first!  
Red: It’s dirt and grass you idiot!  
Edge: FUCK YOU I DO WHAT I WANT!!!!

***  
Bookwyrm  
Blue: He is an accomplished knight! I'm sure it is really important!  
Edge: IT IS.  
Stretch: ....... heyyyyyy Slim? ..... you… wanna check the trees for something?..... maybe for things to add to our dinner?  
Dove: I actually already have food planned out!  
Stretch:...what about tomorrow?  
Slim: Not looking for honey yet.

***  
HomeHawk12  
*Razz is stomping through the woods, dragging the tip of the sword through the dirt the entire way. He wants to throw the thing as far from his as possible, but he knows the resulting noise will render him incapacitated.*

Razz: Why me..... WHY THE HELL DID YOU PICK ME! ....... SHUT UP!  
*Takes a seat on a rock.*  
Razz: I needed a weapon and you were just laying there by that corpse..... how was I supposed to know you were such a prick?......... What do you mean “Think about what Burb said?!”

***  
Bookwyrm  
Razz: Look. Since I can't be rid of you until I die, we need boundaries. One, stop making me look crazy. Two, don't try to make me kill my brother. Three, don't hurt my brother. ........... you. Want. What?!?!

***  
HomeHawk12  
Razz: Nope, that is bullshit and I will not let you use my body like a vessel! YOU’VE ALREADY HUMILIATED ME ENOUGH!!!!!

***  
Bookwyrm  
Razz: ...... so your offering to be more.... amiable. For body sharing? Like .... less comments and more helpful? Less attempts on my sanity?

***  
HomeHawk12  
Razz: We will have to set VERY STRICT boundaries, and establish exactly what you will and won’t be doing with my body, and how long you will actually stay quiet so I can rest my head.

***  
Bookwyrm  
Razz: ..... I would get to monitor what you do? Like how you do now?..... I just have to state my consent? ........... how.... long would you get it if it is not an emergency?

***  
HomeHawk12  
Razz: You want four hours? That’s a lot of time...... oh I don’t know, maybe because I’ll be sleeping through most of the other twenty-one given I’ll finally have some quiet! ....... two hours isn’t as terrible..... we can start off with that, yeah..... just remember what we agreed upon, or I will wrestle control back from you permanently.

_(SF Undyne: *Wants to make a guest appearance as soon and she’s reading over what they have so far.* You haven’t implemented the “research” we’ve been doing at the club meetings? I’m honestly surprised._  
_Chitter: W-well..... with Razz especially there are many... real life risks....)_

***  
Bookwyrm  
_(Fish: Did you hear about the death games he set up? I don't want to face that._  
_SF Undyne (... maybe Barracuda?): You're obviously not caught up on how to treat betrayal. You don't take it lightly or others might try it._  
_Chitter: .....that sounds like a mob boss.)_

Razz: Two hours when in the company of people I trust to start, and it proves you can handle it. You’ll have access every few days unless there's other circumstances. More time negotiable later.

***  
HomeHawk12  
_(I really like Barracuda actually. It seems fitting for her crazy)_

_(Fish: I-I feel like I’m too naive to understand...._  
_Barracuda: Well, he never trusted me about anything to begin with, so technically I can strong arm in whatever I want and my Alphs will protect me.)_

Razz: Alright. Let’s give this a try..... *Razz’s eyelights go out as he gives into the demon, coming back as bright yellow slits. The demon was in control.*

***  
Bookwyrm  
_(Fish: ...... Fell relationships and nuance are really weird.)_

(Not gonna lie, I want the demon to at least once be fascinated with something to the point of star sockets. Not used to a skeleton host.)

Demon: Should I have a name when in control? ..... No, I don't like the name Bastard. Nor any of the ones you called me. *Gets up and walks back to camp.* No no I won't kill your little group. Just want to see their reactions. You didn't say I couldn't talk to them. They seem like fun! I wonder what Slim will say to me? The angel can fuck right off though.

***  
HomeHawk12  
_(Barracuda: Oh, you have no idea how complicated they can get~)_

_(Okay yeah that would be super adorable. He doesn’t even know he’s doing it lmao)_

Slim: So.... since my bro isn’t here, could you explain what happened when he got that sword?  
Dove: Oh that is a wonderful idea! I entered the story pretty early on before his companions were slaughtered!

Demon: Ah, I know. The others can refer to me as part of my official name..... no, not Sword, I mean King..... or Mad would work..... Mad King? Nah, King sounds better..... heh, you are a card. I never get tired of your blow ups. Now about that other demon.....

***  
Bookwyrm  
_(The demon is.... probably going to have.... an exploratory.... session sometime. Never had a skeleton body before.)_

Slim: .....oh.  
Dove: We were hired to deal with a large bandit group that was taking illegal tolls and robbing people. It got worse and worse as more people were murdered even if the survivors said they paid up.

(I bet they end up calling the demon female names too.)

King: Yes....b u r b. He can die brutally if he touches you or me. I wonder if blood tastes the same to a skeleton? ..... fiiiiine. I won't. Oh look! Your pet group!

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Barracuda Intervenes:  
King: Wait, what do you mean I don’t have a dick?!?! How do I-  
*Barracuda takes over. God help us all.*)

King: Oh..... it sounds like he’s recounting the time we met. Good times..... what? Oh no, why would I want to interrupt this story- wait..... I think this part was before you met me.

Dove: And after we fell down a trapdoor, the two of us discovered a room full of blooming red flowers with gold leaves! He and I didn’t realise at the time, but the people that inhabited the temple before had used those as aphrodisiacs!  
Slim: ..... what happened next?  
Dove: A NIGHT OF POLLEN FUELED PASSION!!!!

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Barracuda Intervenes:  
King: ....you live....how long? .......over a thousand if you stay healthy!?!? Are you telling me I won't have a dick for hundreds of years?!? *Is used to male human warriors, and the occasion female.*)

King: *Slips in next to Slim.* Do tell~ This was before he picked me up.  
Dove: .........oh! So he took Burb’s advice?  
Slim: Razz? What? Why are your lights yellow???  
King: Oh? They turned yellow? Huh. That's a constant at least.  
Slim: What?  
King: Your brother decided to finally let me take a turn. I'm the Sword of the Mad King, but you can call me-  
Slim: YOU'RE CHERYL?!?

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Barracuda Intervenes:  
*King must get used to feeling hollow all the time. He can stick whatever he wants into his rib cage and he doesn’t know how to feel. The lack of genitals is his biggest hang up.*)

King: ..... no, though I recognize that as one of the insults your brother likes to throw at me. You may call me-  
Red: Luna? Trisha? Tiffany? Darrel? Linda? He’s got a whole list I could do this for hours.

***  
Bookwyrm  
(Barracuda Intervenes:  
King: ....... so that rumor of magical organs isn't true? ..... no purple glowing dick? ....none???)

King: Sword. Of The. Mad-  
Stretch: Bethany? Matilda? Charlene?  
King: K I N G. CALL. ME. KING. If you have to. I do have to say, skeletons are so much more airy and light than my usual flesh suit.  
Slim: ... Can Razz hear us?  
King: Yep. He's cackling from the names. Oh! That reminds me! I have a half demon to threaten off! The bastard needs to stop trying to steal my host.

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Barracuda Intervenes:  
King: Wait.... what do you mean “author dependent”??? ........ what’s an author????? So it’s not true in cannon?! I don’t know what cannon is!!!!)

Slim: Bro?! Please try to hold out! We will figure a way to get you back!  
King: *Stands up.* You are very cute, but I have a rival to try.... I said threaten.... where is he anyway?

Red: Fixing the wagon, Shelby.  
King: ...... you are first on my “to kill” list.

***  
Bookwyrm  
Slim: What?!?  
King: Relax spider boy. I won't until Razz slips up with his consent parameters. Now I am going to go pluck a turkey.  
Blue: HELLO MISTER DENISE! ARE YOU THE ONE THAT RAZZ ARGUED WITH?!? OH MY GODS I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD TALK TO US AT ALL!!!!

***  
HomeHawk12  
King: ..... oh. It’s the one who hasn’t had their hopes and dreams crushed yet. Shall I go ahead and give him a head start in that department?  
......  
Tsk, you’re no fun.  
Blue: I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO, BUT THIS IS GREAT! I HAVE SOMETHING I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.  
King: This should be good. Please continue.  
Blue: IT'S ABOUT BECOMING A BETTER PERSON.

***  
Bookwyrm  
King: ..... oh, you were serious about that? Hahaha ha!  
Blue: I can give you friendship lessons!  
King: Fucking what?  
Blue: grabs a hold of his hand we can start now!  
King: I’m busy-  
Blue: YOU CAN PRACTICE WITH ME, STRETCH AND RUS!  
King: The fucking cleric?!?

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Being with ‘little optimistic’ was bad enough, he’s getting pulled along the crazy train, and I bet Razz is loving it lmao)

Rus: NOW KAREN-  
King: It’s King!!! What is so hard about that?!  
Rus: KLEVIS! THE FIRST THING YOU SHOULD RECOGNIZE IS THE PROPER WAY TO GREAT A NEW FRIEND! STRETCH WILL HELP DEMONSTRATE!  
King: ...... *Annoyed by the sheer amount of cackling Razz is currently doing, and no one else can hear it.*  
Stretch: *Sees how annoyed King clearly is, deciding to be a bigger dick.* Allow me to play you all a song, I really think it captures the feelings of.... friendship that I feel for all of you. *Pulls out his trombone.*  
King: Don’t you dare-  
Stretch: This one’s for you, Cindy.

***  
Bookwyrm  
King: *Demonic energy condenses near him, making a shadow around him.* Call me Cindy one more time. I'd love to infect your psyche.  
Rus: That's not nice! Bad demon! Don't worry, I believe everyone can see the light of the gods and be peaceful!

***  
HomeHawk12  
Stretch: Are we sure this isn’t our normal Razz? He seems just as angry as before, just..... less yelling and with demon magic.  
Burb: Nope, that’s a real demon this time.  
King: Ah, just the chicken I was looking for.

***  
Bookwyrm  
Burb: Hey. You know, I never met my dad, who was a demon, sooooooo........... Daddy?  
King: Fuck off and stay away from me mortal. You and your bleached pigeon.  
Stretch: Daaaaaaaamn.  
King: I will kill you all slowly once I can.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Burb: I don’t know, sounds like my bro claimed him before you came into the picture.  
King: HE’S MINE NOW YOU CAN’T HAVE HIM!

***  
Bookwyrm  
Blue: SOMEONE NEEDS MORE PRACTICE BEING A FRIEND!  
King: I am not spending my short amount of time being friendly. Where is the food? I haven't tasted anything in years. *Moves too fast and over balances.* Damn! Skeletons are so weird to control.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Burb: What’s the matter? Regretting your choice in a fleshless host?  
King: I SAID WHERE IS THE FOOD.... of course the travel bags. *Runs over to the cart and opens up a bag.*  
King: HEY! WHO'S THE IDIOT THAT PUT BRUSHES AND SOAP ON TOP! RATIONS AND ROPES SHOULD ALWAY BE EASIEST TO REACH!!!!!

***  
Bookwyrm  
Edge: *From helping with the wheel to get to clean it and the animals.* I NEED THEM.  
King: WE BOTH AGREE YOU'RE AN IDIOT. *Digs through to find some dried fruits*...... Razz. Are these.... holy shit yes! Dried apple chips! Hey Bird Bitch! It just takes a bit to learn a body without using more energy to manipulate it. I only got some battles before this. I'm the reason your bleached pigeon survived along with Razz.  
Edge: *Walks over and picks king up by the shirt collar, King is unfazed.* DID YOU JUST LEAVE MY BRUSHES ON THE DIRTY GROUND?!?  
King: *Munch.* Yeah.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Edge: YOU’RE DEAD BITCH!  
Blue: EDGE NO!  
Edge: STOP PROTECTING THAT MONSTER AND LET ME DECAPITATE HIM!  
King: *Has the biggest shit eating grin currently.* You really need to unwind sometime. It will do wonders for your mental health.  
Edge: I WILL CLEEVE YOUR FACE IN HALF!!!

***  
Bookwyrm  
King: Sir Edge of the Aisles! Slayer of naughty bookwyrms and loud library goers? Slay me? An immortal sword?  
Blue: That is not friendly! Either of you!

***  
HomeHawk12  
Edge: I may not be able to kill a sword, but I can slay the body it’s so protective of!!!!  
Slim: Edge if you touch my brother I will send my spiders after you!

***  
Bookwyrm  
Stretch: ...... so Razz is really still in there?  
King: *Eating his snacks.* Yup. He is enjoying this switch more than he thought he would. Been laughing half the time.  
Rus: Now! For the homework of friendship! *Sets down a few choices of holy books.* Pick one to be enlightened!  
King: I literally can't touch those.  
Rus: Razz can once you return to the sword and he or I can read it to you!

***  
HomeHawk12  
Burb: Glad I don’t need to be too worried about the switches.  
Dove: Why is that brother?  
Burb: Because, for now at least, it seems his other idiot travel companions are keeping him in check. I think we should stick around though.

***  
Bookwyrm  
Dove: Oh......you may want to rethink that. The tall angry one just trapped him in a circle of holy books.

(I love this. King is so laid back once he is out but in the sword he is all murder incarnation. One day Razz will let him murder ....one day)

***  
HomeHawk12  
(He was just frustrated because it usually doesn’t take so long to make his host forfeit control. Now that he has a body again, he can bide his time and.... ‘plot’ their demises djdnfk)

Edge: HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT YOU CRONE! NOW YOU CAN’T ESCAPE!!!!  
Kill: If that’s what makes you feel better, keep telling that to yourself.  
Rus: I mean.... it’s not nice, but it DOES mean you shall stick around long enough for me to read to you! Now which book should we start with....

***  
Bookwyrm  
Rus: .... We will start with a pagan light magic ritual guide! There are harvest and rain and luck and fertility rites! So many of them!  
King: Hell yeah, tell me them fertility rites, clergyman.  
Slim: Please don't. Try the rain or harvest ones.  
King: Uuuuugh. Killing my joy.

Burb: ...... think Razz can hold him down?  
Dove: Oh yes. Razz was very dominant in that plant spore pit.  
Burb: ....... I mean keeping the demon in check.

***  
HomeHawk12  
Rus: And this dance of the harvest is started by doing a waltz with your significant other around the Bonfire of Forgiveness-  
King: UHHHHHHHHH!!! *His time is almost up. He hates spending it stuck in here.*

Dove: I mean, probably? He’s pretty dominating both inside the sack and out.  
Burb: ......

***  
Bookwyrm  
King: See Razz? Just a bit of mischief and messing with the mortals. Nothing too crazy. I dare say you enjoyed it. *The eyelights are flickering between yellow and purple and two voices seem to overlap and fight for the space.* I still have a few minutes let me enjoy it!  
Rus: Now onto the rain rituals. ..... these must be for humans mainly, for I cannot pee on a scarecrow.

***  
HomeHawk12  
(Pfffft. Pee on a scarecrow dfhudc)

King: ..... gods dammit whatever. I want more freedom to move next time......  
Slim: ........ bro?  
…...  
Razz: ...... yes?  
Slim: Thank the gods you’re back. I was getting worried.

***  
Bookwyrm  
Razz: ....it wasn't as bad as I thought, and the bastard is ...... quieter? As promised........ I guess this will be more of a thing now.  
Slim: ..... I won't call that guy my brother though.  
Edge: The prick spilled my brushes everywhere.  
Razz: ......*That was his idea....actually.*

***  
HomeHawk12  
_(Oh no, the two are coming up with ideas to annoy the others and agreeing XP)_

***  
Bookwyrm  
_(A real partnership. That King will regret so hard for the lack of a dick or any sex organ)_


End file.
